The Highest-Ranking Child Molestor In American History

     I am amused when Republicans talk about what a terrible person Nancy Pelosi is because they disagree with her policies; maybe they just recognize that she has been the most powerful Democrat in Congress since 2007 and will hold that job until 2023 and that her efforts led the way to the party becoming more popular than the GOP at the national level. Maybe they're threatened that a woman could hold the third highest position in government after only the president and VP; FOX dedicated entire segments to debating if she had plastic surgery and whether she wore fashionable clothes, not her opinions on the minimum wage or Social Security solvency.

     After you compare her to her immediate predecessor, Republican Dennis Hastert, I dare you to talk shit about Nancy Pelosi ever again. The fact is that most GOP voters don't know he exists. The party has been transformed into a cult of personality for Donald Trump, and most people who voted for him probably couldn't tell you who John Boehner, Paul Ryan, Chuck Schumer, Steny Hoyer, Chuck Grassley, or Patrick Leahy are, either. Some history lessons like the one Dennis Hastert presents would be especially useful to the QAnon cult that makes up nearly a quarter of the Republican base. The people who believe that Nancy Pelosi is the head of a Satan-worshipping, cannibalistic child rape cult would be interested to know the only prominent person who recently served in Congress to check one of those four boxes was Dennis Hastert.

Hastert worked as a teacher and coach at high schools in Illinois before being elected to the Illinois House of Representatives, where he served from 1981 to 1987, and the U.S. House of Representatives, where he served from 1987 to 2007. I use the term "serve" lightly. He made his way at the national level to Chief Deputy Whip for the GOP from 1995 to 1999 and then served as the Speaker from 1999 until 2007, one of the longest stretches ever served by one person in this position of authority. In this position, he was also among the most corrupt politicians in American history. He ignored reports that fellow Republican House member Mark Foley sexually enticed a young page. He secured a $207 million earmark for a highway project opposed by most of his constituents that ran adjacent to his land, increased its value, and allowed him to make millions of dollars selling it. This earmark became an obsession to the point that, when he was opposed by fellow House Republicans, he turned to President Bush, who signed a highway bill that included this earmark in Hastert's home district. The project was later killed due to a negative environmental impact. When the Republicans lost control of the House in the 2006 midterms, Hastert decided the appropriate response was to resign from Congress entirely. After retirement, he worked as a lobbyist on the payroll of Turkey after having denied previous allegations that surfaced after Turkish agents were caught on audio bragging about paying off Hastert. 

     None of this would be enough to elevate Dennis Hastert from a crook to a subhuman sack of shit, but what he was charged with in 2015 and convicted of and sentenced for in 2016 certainly did. He was arraigned in May of the former year for structuring small cash withdrawals that totaled nearly $1 million to avoid FBI suspicion. The money was used to pay hush money to at least four boys as young as 14 he had molested during his time as a wrestling coach. Republicans responded with the usual, "We're shocked and we condemn it but he was a pleasure to work with and he might not have done it and if he didn't then we knew he was innocent all along," crap that is pulled when prominent people are accused of sex crimes. Hastert pled guilty to the financial charges and admitted his history of molesting children (the statute of limitations had expired on the sex crimes), saying he was sorry and offering no details. He was sentenced to 15 months in prison after asking for probation and was released in 2017 after serving his sentence. He remained on supervised release until 2019 and paid more than $250,000 in fines. 

     He wasn't sorry for molesting kids; he was sorry he got caught. His wretched hag of a wife may have stayed with him, but Hastert lost his teacher's pension and his Illinois House pension. He had his honorary degrees from NIU and Lewis University revoked, he had his name removed from the Economics Center at Wheaton College and Fighting Foxes International, he had his Kendall County Courthouse plaque taken down, he had his portrait removed from the Speaker's Lobby, and he had his Order of Merit from the Wrestling Hall of Fame removed. He is facing civil lawsuits likely to fail because of the statute of limitations, but his defense has thus far been that the boys who came forward should be paying him for speaking out even though they got hush money.

     Hey, Republicans: if you really want to send a mob to assault a House Speaker, it should probably by "Denny."