Sexual Abuse Counseling Week 5: See Yourself As A Survivor, Not A Victim

     Because the goal of most sexual predators is to gain power over their victims to make up for some lack they felt during their lives, shifting the balance of power is key to moving on from sexual abuse. As we mentioned last week, seeking justice, whether successfully or not, is one way to do so. However, there are ways that require far less effort. In fact, it is as simple as a few words in the English language.

     "Victim" has sometimes-fatal connotations. A victim is somebody who doesn't make it, who dies or is hopelessly damaged. Even the strongest may be inclined to embark on a journey of self-destruction when they see themselves as victims. For all the pain life inflicted, it didn't finish the job. Even though it was never meant to, many subconsciously see their emergence from the situation as unnatural when they are referred to as victims. Drugs and suicidal tendencies are results of this, and those, not the abuse itself, are what ruin lives.

     "Survivor" is someone who lives through Hell and emerges from it. They don't allow themselves to be weighed down forever, and come out stronger and with a greater appreciation for what life is truly about and what they are truly capable of. If someone is victimized, they are left unable to handle life's bumps and bruises, and even trying to live seems mute. When someone survives, they are better able to recognize the potential consequences of their actions, better able to see that not every obstacle is a permanent wall, and better able to appreciate the little things in life.

     All of these topics will be discussed at a later date. However, seeing oneself as a "survivor" and not a "victim" is a brick in the foundation of rebuilding one's life.